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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The future is unknown.

So I was texting Becca on the phone earlier on.

Then, it transited into us talking about the future, or actually the very near future, a.k.a Year 2. She's, unfortunately, not going to be in Year 2 with me, G and the class as she's transferring to NAFA, and I honestly wish the best for her with all my heart, because I know exactly how she feels. Coming into the wrong course, but fortunately, for her, she has the chance to go back to her true calling. I envy her, really.

For me, I don't get the chance to get out. Still caged here, but that's alright. I'll suck it up. 3 years will be over soon. After the 3 years, I swear I'll take a considerable time and effort to think about what I'm going to major in Uni. My past mistakes shall not be repeated lmao.

So the conversation we had got me thinking about Year 2.

I know, I shouldn't be bearing such pessimistic thoughts when it hasn't even started yet, but I am actually thinking Year 2 might not be a spectacular year.

They say Year 1 is supposed to be the most "chillax" year, with the least workload and everybody would not be up on your toes.

Whoever said the above claim should suck my non-existent dick. Really.

Year 1, by far, almost killed me. I really meant it literally. Many time I contemplated deadly thoughts because of school - the people, the workload, the disappointments each time I get back the results and receive a less-than-satisfactory grade (I swear I tried my best) and everything else.

So what is Year 2 going to bring me?

With Becca gone from 01, there is going to be some reshuffling of groups in the class. Honestly, I don't know where that is going to take us?

Sure, previous conflicts were solved, and we are all on talking terms. But... as obvious as it gets, there's this unspeakable and unexplainable barriers between some of us.

So what is Y2 going to bring us?
More conflicts?
More workload?
Inducing more kinds of deadly thoughts into my mind, all over again?

With the implementation of the spanking new Agency around, who are the new people I am going to meet?

Are they going to be... nice? Better? Or worse?

I honestly have no fucking idea.

I am certain some of the lecturers aren't too fond of me, so more minus points again. I do not want to face the same (if not, worse) drama from Y1 again, please. I just want to erase the past/bad history in Y1, and renew myself in Y2.

The only redeemable quality about Year 1 is that, it has taught me to toughen up against circumstances.

But who knows, I might still crumble when it all gets too overwhelming?

People keep posting "March/April/May/etc, please be kind?".

Not for me, I am just wishing for "Year 2, please be kind?"

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