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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Break.

Fuck fuck fuck is all I can think of.

I am a fucking fail student.

I used to be stupid. Foolish. Getting scared and withdrawn. Of course, this has led to consquences. My lecturers probably hate me now. So now, I've to put in extra efforts compared to my mates in order to pull my fuckiiiiiiiiing horrendous grades up since my attendance would have killed everything else.

I am a fucking fail blogshop owner too.

I'm trying hard to pull up my current grades and in turn, I've neglected the blogshop. Mails not getting replied to as often. I've no more energy left to reply to mails each day after studying. Sometimes, I try to go out and I feel SO guilty afterwards. I'll tell myself "Why am I out here when I should be at home fulfilling orders?"

A even tells me to stop being such a "workaholic" sometimes but HOW CAN I FUCKING STOP?! A blogshop is an ongoing commitment and since customers make payments for their items, you've to be responsible to them.

But fuck, this responsibility is getting FUCKING OVERWHELMING. I try to reply the simple mails, such as payments and verifications. I try to mail out stuff on time/as promised to them but I fail to do so becasue I have been sooooooooo tired lately.

I've been so taxed and exhausted, both physically and emotionally each day. Sometimes while studying, I slept in front of the computer till the very next day - and BAM I FORGOT TO PACK THE MAILS THAT NEEDED TO BE MAILED OUT THE DAY BEFORE. Die.

Some mails are not even replied even after 3 days because these mails require some extensive explanation/reply on my part and hence, I couldn't reply them just yet - no wonder customers are mad. I can't even tell them how fucking stressed I am while dealing with customers because I am honestly going BONKERS.

Some of them have ever changing requests on their orders, some of them deadbuys, some of them gives me wrong address, some of them encountered lost mails, some demands for refunds because they are tired of waiting/have lost mails, some demand for meet-ups at unreasonable places. I try to be as accommodating as I can, but I do get confused too and commit mistakes. I can't have so many things in my head, and no, I'm not Miss-Elastic-Woman. I can't stretch nor split myself into half.

I'd LOVE to help you guys tide through your problems, I'd love to give you all of your goods on time and deliver them straight to your doorstep fuss-free, if I could, but really.

There's currently 278 marked-as-unread mails in my inbox (Some I've read and wanted to reply as soon as I get the time too - trust me. And I reply most of the emails on-the-go, which really gets on the nerves of whoever I am out with. Would you like your friend to be checking her mails 24/7 and not paying attention to your presence? No right? Unfortunately I've irritated some of my friends for doing that) that I need to attend to but seriously, I know you customers want your stuff asap, but gimme some time, I am trying hard to give you your reply, your deserved items AND refund when needed.

The last things I would want are bad feedbacks and being known as a scammer, yet, I have some customers throwing accusations like that at me. Or even personal attacks sometimes. Some wishes doom on my blogshop - how nice.

Guys, I AM ONLY HUMAN. I'll do what needs to be done, but seriously just do give me time and don't send me an e-mail every other hour or day to check on your orders.

There's only 24 hours in a day, and there's only so much I can do.

PLEASE.

I am not purposely ignoring or not replying some of your emails, I just seriously need time to check and verify regarding your issues before I can give you a reasonable and detailed explanations. I think you guys would appreciate that much more than a generic reply, right?

Please understand, really.

The more complicated enquiries can't be answered because for one, I might not have mailed out their items - but I eventually will. Or recently the BOs ran into problems. CNY got into the way, my overseas agents AND suppliers BOTH ceased their operations and went on a 2-week-long holiday - which accounted for the major delay in the recent BOs.

There's always some problems somehow, my BOs are usually either OOS and I've to source for new suppliers... or refund, and therefore, taking a longer time for BO to arrive.

My parents, and my boyfriend and my friends keep telling me - PUT THE FUCKING BLOGSHOP ON HOLD. I've been packing mails usually from 1am - 3am in Jan. In turn, I become too tired for school the next day. Especially morning lessons. Sometimes I skip school because I was too tired and again, it led to more undesirable consquences. I tried to not pack mails as often and THEN, shit happens again - Customers start reeling in complaints that they have not been receiving their items.

Good lord.

I've not launched the items this month and honestly, my bank account $ is depleting like crazy. I've been refunding those customers who refused to wait for BOs because it's taking way too long (I understand their P.O.V but can they also understand that I, myself, have PAID for their share of goods? Now I'm left with extra stocks that no one might wants... yay).

I can't just stop the blogshop now. I can't just put it on hold and give my all for studies, no matter how much i wish for that to happen. I wish I could, then my GPA could see some new positive light. Unfortunately, this blogshop is an ongoing commitment and I've people to answer too. Simple as that. So I've stress coming in from all sources. Customers, and my parents, friends and boyfriend. Sure, my boyfriend and friends tell me they don't mind, and that they understand and encourage me to hang on but really, I DO FEEL BAD, you know?

Many times, I've overestimated my level of endurance/tolerance. I keep pushing myself to study through the night and I'll pack the mails before I sleep. My mother sees that it's taking a toll on me to mail out packages and she's helping to mail now, but there's only so much she can do, and I feel bad that she has to help me even though she's busy with her own work too. I still have to be the one that pack the mails - and no, I can't hire a packer just yet. My house is a mess and I think even a packer would want to kill herself over this.

Hiring people to help for e-mails and payment verifications are even a BIGGER NO-NO. Due to the sensitive nature of both accounts.

TEACH ME HOW TO TIDE THROUGH THIS SHIT.

I'm truly sorry for ranting.

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