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Sunday, January 9, 2011

Peak;



Still in this epic state of dysfunctionalism. I should be happy, but I am not. The excitement that comes with each day wears off easily and emptiness starts to fill back in (oh, the irony, the fulfillment of emptiness). Sometimes, I feel that God is too kind to me, at other times, I feel that God is robbing me of all my happiness because I am undeserving. I am an ingratitious brat at most times, ha.

On hindsight, my life right now... it feels like everything came to a standstill. Everything has exceeded its peak... and basically, it's stuck in this stagnant state whereby there's no areas of improvements.

As technical as it can get, I can summarize my current life in one simple equation...

No area of improvement = everything is too perfect for it to be improved on = Shermin should be an happy asshole who is appreciative of the sheltered environment that she currently resides in, which includes living in a land whole full of unicorns, sunshines and excessively happy people who're puking rainbows everywhere. She trots around with a Chanel bag, calling out to her servant to serve her the finest delicacies such as her favourite macarons.

(Pardon my random Shermin-In-Wonderland fantasy)

But life isn't about technicality or simple-ass logic or equation. It's about irrationality.

In a enigmatic way, I'm afraid of overwhelming amounts of happiness and goodness in my life. When life gets too good, you'd desperately want things to remain like the way they're because you've already tasted the best. When you fall from grace, you fall hard. In the famous words of... a certain great somebody who spewed out these words... "Change is the only Constant".

No pain is permanent, but no happiness is permanent either.

My inner Libra is unable to comprehend this upset of balance in my life.

Everything is either too good, or too wrecked.

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