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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Plague.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster, with so many issues plaguing me.

As crazy as this sounds, I'd like to rewind back to the days before O Levels, whereby my only problems were about studying, stress and dealing with worldly temptations. This is queer, but I suddenly miss the smell of my TYS, pencil and eraser.

Well, yeah, it sounds like I'm a crazed nerd, but I'd rather face the books than these problems I have to face.

For those who have been witnessing my train of (mostly negative) thoughts over Twitter, you'd have realized that there is this emotional burden that is bugging me at the moment. I wouldn't want to elaborate about this, but I think I can safely assume that this issue is practically going to haunt me forever. For those who're already aware, you guys would know why. For those who aren't, this secret will just remain, a secret, for as long as it can.

To be very honest, I've contemplated suicide over this but luckily for me, my phobia of heights will never allow me to take the plunge. That said, this shows a lot; because I'm not one to bow in to Death easily.

I just don't want this issue to attack me while I'm at the peak of my life; with the remnants of my teenage self doing some self-destruction. People would judge me for it and they won't even know the reason/background story behind the entire issue. Only true friends would know, tbh. It has brought me so much trauma and troubles, I don't even know anymore. For the first week that this secret of mine is at risk of exposure, I've been crying every single fucking day, every single minute, every single second, hoping that nothing will go askewed.

It started off as a stupid mistake on my part, and right now, it could cause my future to go 'POOF' in two miliseconds. Or even lesser.

I really don't wish for any unwanted attention. I'm just saying.

The higher you're at, the harder you fall.

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